I’ve been to many conferences – mostly technology and/or library related. I have also been to many retreats and led mindfulness activities – mostly Buddhist in nature. This conference was unique for me because it dealt with mindfulness from a purely secular perspective and aligns itself very easily with the applied ethics theme/effort that Thich Nhat Hanh has been exploring the past couple of years. Though I arrived a little uncertain, because of my experience as a practitioner and educator, I was not disappointed with the presentations and panels. I now have a better understanding of what has occurred in bringing mindfulness into schools and what challenges these leaders experienced.

What follows are my notes and thoughts from a handful of the presentations.

PRESENTERS AND PANELS 

The Data: How Kids are Actually Interacting with Technology (Joya Roy, CEO Sequence)

Joya’s task was to provide some data. How is behavior and society changing and then how do you create a brand, etc. is what his company focuses on with clients. How kids are interacting mobile and social environments. This is what’s happening. No judgement. Consumer environment has changed radically in the last century. Average kid spends 7 hrs. 48 minutes interacting with some type of device (Kaiser Famiy Foundation, 2010). If you consider “media multitasking” it’s 10-hrs. 45-min. As the devices increase in number, and as the smart phone is ubiquitous, our access to information increases and this time will increase in the future. Keep in mind that iPhone didn’t even launch until 2007 (and Android in 2009!). 80% of youth own a mobile phone (Pew, 2011). Text messaging is primary form of digital communication. Smart phone sales will surpass PC sales in 2012 – outside the US, thus means billions will have phones rather than a computer. 7.5 million Facebook users are under 13 (5m of this under 11). Touch and voice are the expectation, especially for those very young. Texts and Facebook – not email. Shorter interactions.

The Brain, Mindfulness, and Youth with Dan Siegel (nterviewed by Soren)

Impact of texting wit friends versus talking in person. But we shouldn’t despair too much. Interpersonal Neurobiology is his field. Take all branches of science then we can have a fuller view. We see wisdom derived from integration. Texting seems to be only drawing from one side of the brain, and this may be to the detriment of the youth because the right hemisphere develops before the other – see The Master and his Emissary. The left loves syllogistic reasoning. The left is very literal. Some like to say it’s the “digital” hemisphere. The right is more about the body. Body signals come to the right hemisphere. Of course, the two hemispheres work together. The digital age is shaping the mind. But he’s not despairing; he repeated this multiple times. Integration made visible is kindness. The two hemispheres integrated. Integration is a scientific concept. Know your own nervous system. Knowing when you are in one hemisphere versus the other. To be present is being your whole self for their whole self. Can we know our authentic self in a digital age. Attention shapes the structure of the brain. Integration is the key. Integrative networks are regulatory. The Healthy Mind Platter – guide for mind development – it’s on his web site – sleep time, physical time, focus time, connecting time, down time, play time, time in (looking inward – Mindfulness practice). This needs to be a bottom-up effort. The Schools of Education aren’t gonna do it. No Pre-Frontal Cortex Left Behind - haha.

Mindful Parenting in the Technology Age (Soren, Eric Schiermeyer, Michelle Gale, Pat Christen from Hope Lab, Chade-Meng Tan)

Nice panel of parents who shared their experiences and tips for supporting their families with mindfulness.

Teens and Technology (Gopi Kallayil from Google + four teens)

All seniors in high school. Born in 1993. The year Mosiac and Newton were released.

Cultivating Joy in Kids: the Dragonfly Effect (Jennifer Aaker, Marketing Professor at Stanford)

Her kids sat on the stage while she made her presentation Happiness, joy, and meaning. They have a lab at Stanford. They also work in the area of social media. Her household is (he) loves technology and (she) isn’t too keen on it. She’s a marketing professor. So, they collected data. What is the role of technology in the family. What stories I. Social media stick? Deep meaning. Focus on single goal. Grab attention. Tells a story. Enables others to act. The dragonfly is a symbol of happiness. Small acts can create change. Wrote a book. Rethink happiness. Nice slides.

Re-Imagining Schools: Mindfulness and Education (Susan Kaisar Greenland – Mindfulness Together, Megan Cowan – Mindful Schools, Victor Diaz – REALM Charter School)

Susan adapted Buddhist practices to be age appropriate and secular. Put the practice first. Name it later. Experiential. Apply to a real life situation and regular routine. Integrated. Not “let’s do Mindfulness”

Victor’s charter school is founded on mindful practices. All students are in a wellness class – Mindfulness fitness. In Berkeley. Sounds like they use yoga. Moving from individual practice into their “outer” space and actually integrate is more challenging. Relationship building is key – knowing the kids can help you tap into the kid and connect the practice. You ask kids to jump, but you don’t always tell them where they’re going to land.

Megan is based in Oakland and been operating for about 5-years. Two programs. Go into the schools and teach Mindfulness is one. The first way to describe Mindfulness is your own presence. What do you bring. We must have a thorough understanding (this is Thay’s Applied Ethics effort – learn the practice).

The Opportunity Ahead (Dan Siegel, Susan Kaiser Greenland, Meng Tan, Soren)

Great final panel. Nice balance of practice, science, and innovation. I think Meng said tech can be developed to accelerate mindfulness by factor of 10. Instead of 40-yrs, do in 4-yrs. Then the device self-destructs.

In the end, I’m still sitting with what I heard on Saturday. I’m inspired, curious, and hopeful for what this means for me personally as well as the continued efforts to bring mindfulness into work and schools. 

I’m a parent of two children – ages seven and eleven. We all enjoy media and I’m definitely a fan of film. As a child, I was not allowed film or television until my teen years or just before my teen years. And though it was difficult for me, I was in elementary school when Star Wars came out in 1977, reflecting back I don’t feel like I missed much and it provided a different type of upbringing than most other kids.

I firmly believe that we should not legislate how parents raise their children. I don’t believe in the Motion Picture Association’s (voluntary) ratings system. And as a librarian, I definitely don’t believe in censorship because what you think is inappropriate may not be inappropriate for everyone. Parents need to determine the best method to expose their children to books, movies, music, sexuality, etc. Personally, I’m appalled when I see kids in movies with strong violence or significant profanity or sex. For example, the Dark Knight was a great film but I wouldn’t want my kids to see it yet but it would be cool if my 11-year old would watch Star Wars with me. The graphicness, the energy, etc. of a movie from 1977 versus a film from 2008 seem very different to me. This is my opinion, my judgement, and I should be able to make this decision for my children.

Some would argue that by exposing children to violence, sex, and profanity that we are helping them to grow-up and be stronger adults. Ultimately, I believe in letting children be children. There’s nothing wrong with protecting them from the horrors of the world for a while. Children will be adults in no time and the innocence of childhood is a real jewel.

My kids watch movies on Netflix and have seen a handful movies in the theater. My 11-year old has no interest in seeing movies in the theatre because of the sensory overload, but he’ll watch some (very few) at home. This is a case where what might be appropriate for your kid is definitely not for my kid. We’ve stuck to pretty tame and family orientated films, though I’ve tried to get them to watch Star Wars (they aren’t interested). I’m fine with that.

Ultimately, the guides for parents are nice to have but I think every parent has to try making the best decision they can on what to expose kids to in the media (a false reality, at best). Watch the movie first is a good practice. I’m not a prude, but the innocence of childhood is an important thing to protect. What do you think?

We have two children, ages seven and ten, who have been homeschooled their entire lives. Since our older child was very young, our intention was to homeschool them for as long as it seemed feasible and right. During the last ten years, the homeschool approach to learning connected with our values, and has become a part of who we are as a family. We have built a community around this life-learning. Homeschooling provides flexibility that you can’t find in a traditional school environment. Homeschooling provides for our family to remain a tight community. Homeschooling allows the children to learn what they find interesting, at the time they are interested in the topic. Homeschooling provides a method to learning that doesn’t force learning to the most common dominator. Homeschooling doesn’t teach children how to stand in line, doesn’t rely on exhausted teachers who must follow the state “standards” for learning (not saying that my wife Leslie doesn’t get exhausted).

Though there is great joy and enrichment from homeschooling, it hasn’t been without struggle, frustration, and difficulty – both for the children and for the parents. The two learners have different needs and different styles. Perhaps it hasn’t servered both the children in the same manner due to their different personalities. Further, our son has moderate special needs and demands a great deal of focus and attention. From time to time, we sit down and assess if we are moving in the right direction; to see what is working and what isn’t working. A lot of the issues surround our son and his needs.

Ironically, our little village of Ojai has about 14 schools in the area. Most of them are private boarding schools. Last month Leslie decided to make an appointment to visit the Montessori School of Ojai. I took the day off work and went to observe the classrooms and meet the teachers. Of all the types of schools we have available, this school appears to be the most flexible with integrating different children together by grouping ages (a homeschool value), providing flexibility in how often our children attend, and having open enrollment. They also have a scholarship program to assist with the tuition. The class sizes are very small and the teachers have a long history with the school. Children can be learning at different levels in the same classroom. For example, a children could be reading “above” grade-level and writing “below” grade level and that isn’t a problem.

So our grand experiment begins today. There is about six weeks remaining in their school year and we hope this will give us a chance to experience having children in school. If it works well, then we may continue it next year. This is a significant change for us and involves a lot of letting go of ideas. It’s a great opportunity for me to practice the vows I’ve taken to be open and not attached to views. Who knows what the future may hold. Please send us your support and loving energy, both for Leslie and the children.

Next week: my son’s first day of school.

Being out front, wanting to lead, is something I’ve always done. I can manage many tasks at one time across a wide range of areas – committees, politics, spiritual, home. It seems to be a gift because it comes naturally for me . But the gift of abundance does also must have a balance. Most of the time my life feels in balance, but there comes a time when it feels like the house of cards will fall.

My goal is to present for those around me. This means that “my tasks” sometimes get put aside for the benefit of those who work for me and those who I mentor and support. Because this goal of presence is mine, I do it with joy and awareness. The others in my life, both at home and at work, hold no responsibility for my feeling of imbalance. As a Library Director, I let the day take me with it and there must be space in the calendar to allow for flexibility. As a husband and father, I let the evening take me with it even if the “work” tasks were left incomplete. Though I don’t do this 100%, it is an intentional goal and practice. As Catherine Hakala-Ausperk wrote in Be A Great Boss, “being prepared for permanent whitewater will give you the attitude you need for that day.”

The benefits of being available are immeasurable. There are costs, of course, but I believe the benefits outweigh the costs. It is the human connection that will have a lasting impact, not completing the report or reading the background material or finalizing that budget. Those things are important too, and they will get done, but I’ve set my priority elsewhere. When imbalance arrives, which it did yesterday, then I can use the tools of my practice to keep me centered. It could mean that I close my office door and focus on checking off a few items on the task list (which I didn’t do yesterday). It could mean staying up a little later or getting up a little earlier. Finding joy in the anxiety and fear is possible. Being present, sharing with someone, writing a blog post, they all contribute to balance.

(Recently I committed to writing 250-words a day, but I missed a couple days. That’s part of the letting go too, so here’s my post now.)

I have a long history of seemingly radical politics, social justice efforts, and personal action to effect change in the world. In recent years I’ve probably become less radicalized because I’ve had a difficult time connecting with other radicals – the anger, the frustration, the drama are challenging.

I also have an awareness of the apparent contradictory nature of the world I live in – comfortable life, good work, professional travel, nice clothes, extreme hunger, poverty, economic collapse, environmental disaster, etc. This is my life and perhaps I judge myself to harshly. All these elements make up my being. They are connected.

Today I feel inspired to embrace this contradiction. People are so full of kindness, generosity, and intelligence. We are also full of many challenges and personal struggles. We smoke. We drink. We swear. We stumble. And yet it doesn’t mean we can’t be kind and generous. the people I’ve interacted with today demonstrate this to me.

I’m feeling the Interbeing nature of my life from experiences today. Thank you to those who touched me today. Good people are here. Please help me to keep my eyes open.

Kenley Only

Complete Session – begins with a period of silent sitting

Life is filled with suffering, but it is also filled with many wonders, like the blue sky, the sunshine, the eyes of a baby. To suffer is not enough. We must also be in touch with the wonders of life. They are within us and all around us, everywhere, any time.

This Thursday evening I have been invited to lead the Still Water Sangha in Silver Spring (just outside Washington DC). After our sitting, we will explore together how we can be happy while acknowledging the pain that is in us and around us.

At the close of the annual teen retreat this week at Deer Park Monastery, I had the opportunity to talk with a 13-year old boy. He asked, “What does it mean to be happy?” He followed up with another question, “How do you be happy when a friend brings up an experience from the past that is difficult and still is painful?”

I was amazed by these simple, yet insightful, questions.

It is the second question from this boy that I want to focus on because it raises the topic of difficult emotions. We all have them in our lives. Working with those emotions can be a challenge. I am a parent of a six-year old girl and ten-year old boy with special needs. My wife and I have been together for twenty years. Difficult emotions have been a common theme for me as I’ve learned to be a parent and partner.

Our most basic practices of breathing and walking have sustained me and helped me to calm the storms. The next phase, transforming the pain and suffering, requires looking more closely at particular emotions, feelings, and habit energies: understanding where they come from and what sustains them. Working with the difficult emotions that have arisen in my family life has pushed me to talk about them with mentors, to enter family therapy, and to focus on them more in my sitting, reflecting, and writing. This has been my path, my practice. The rewards have been immeasurable.

The program begins at 7:00pm at Crossings; I hope you can join us.

For the past 6-8 years, the monastery at Deer Park has offered two retreats in the summer – one for teens only (ages 13-17) and another for families. I have attended both these retreats and have found them very nourishing and joyful. The family retreat is particularly diverse, and brings together people from many walks of life and with a wide variety of experience with the practice. The teen retreat is less diverse, but those who attend have reported a life changing experience, and often return the following year bringing more friends. For the teen retreat, no parents are allowed and the teens camp together for the entire retreat. It really is a blast!

If you are in a sangha, I encourage you to share about these retreats in your sangha. Think about people in your life who may benefit from such a retreat, even those who are not regular practitioners, and then invite them to attend. I think teens would particularly benefit. Each year these retreats grow and they are, in my opinion, the best retreats offered by Deer Park.

In the years our family has attended the Family Retreat, I have watched my children and the children of others grow from toddlers to young children and into early teens. Wow! And now, starting in the last year or so many of these families are starting to come to Deer Park at other times during the year. It is a real community.

Though the family retreat has many children in attendance (40-50 kids!), other types of family units also attend and participate. One year, a family came together with four generations! Another time an adult son came with his mom to spend time together on the mountain

Please consider joining us this year.

Teen Camp – Rebel Buddha!
June 16 – 20

Family Retreat – Opening the Family Up
June 30 – July 4

Dragon and lion dances. Firecrackers. Drumming. Laughter. Lisi (red envelopes with money). Generosity.

Today is the second day of the new year. It is the only day in the year that lay people (non-monastic) may visit the quarters of the monks and nuns. What joy!

As we travel from room to room, carrying our glasses, we share tea, cider, snacks, and songs. Interspersed with visits by drums and dragon for us to offer up oranges and snacks to the beast.

The monastics live in simple quarters. Some sleep on the floor, others on thin mats. A few books, some clothes, and an altar are usually in each room. They share their space and their tea.

It is a lesson in simplicity. It is a lesson in friendship. It is a lesson in generosity.

May your tiger year be healthy and may your life be long.

(posting from iPhone; links and pix may arrive later)