Life is filled with suffering, but it is also filled with many wonders, like the blue sky, the sunshine, the eyes of a baby. To suffer is not enough. We must also be in touch with the wonders of life. They are within us and all around us, everywhere, any time.

This Thursday evening I have been invited to lead the Still Water Sangha in Silver Spring (just outside Washington DC). After our sitting, we will explore together how we can be happy while acknowledging the pain that is in us and around us.

At the close of the annual teen retreat this week at Deer Park Monastery, I had the opportunity to talk with a 13-year old boy. He asked, “What does it mean to be happy?” He followed up with another question, “How do you be happy when a friend brings up an experience from the past that is difficult and still is painful?”

I was amazed by these simple, yet insightful, questions.

It is the second question from this boy that I want to focus on because it raises the topic of difficult emotions. We all have them in our lives. Working with those emotions can be a challenge. I am a parent of a six-year old girl and ten-year old boy with special needs. My wife and I have been together for twenty years. Difficult emotions have been a common theme for me as I’ve learned to be a parent and partner.

Our most basic practices of breathing and walking have sustained me and helped me to calm the storms. The next phase, transforming the pain and suffering, requires looking more closely at particular emotions, feelings, and habit energies: understanding where they come from and what sustains them. Working with the difficult emotions that have arisen in my family life has pushed me to talk about them with mentors, to enter family therapy, and to focus on them more in my sitting, reflecting, and writing. This has been my path, my practice. The rewards have been immeasurable.

The program begins at 7:00pm at Crossings; I hope you can join us.

For the past 6-8 years, the monastery at Deer Park has offered two retreats in the summer – one for teens only (ages 13-17) and another for families. I have attended both these retreats and have found them very nourishing and joyful. The family retreat is particularly diverse, and brings together people from many walks of life and with a wide variety of experience with the practice. The teen retreat is less diverse, but those who attend have reported a life changing experience, and often return the following year bringing more friends. For the teen retreat, no parents are allowed and the teens camp together for the entire retreat. It really is a blast!

If you are in a sangha, I encourage you to share about these retreats in your sangha. Think about people in your life who may benefit from such a retreat, even those who are not regular practitioners, and then invite them to attend. I think teens would particularly benefit. Each year these retreats grow and they are, in my opinion, the best retreats offered by Deer Park.

In the years our family has attended the Family Retreat, I have watched my children and the children of others grow from toddlers to young children and into early teens. Wow! And now, starting in the last year or so many of these families are starting to come to Deer Park at other times during the year. It is a real community.

Though the family retreat has many children in attendance (40-50 kids!), other types of family units also attend and participate. One year, a family came together with four generations! Another time an adult son came with his mom to spend time together on the mountain

Please consider joining us this year.

Teen Camp – Rebel Buddha!
June 16 – 20

Family Retreat – Opening the Family Up
June 30 – July 4

Dragon and lion dances. Firecrackers. Drumming. Laughter. Lisi (red envelopes with money). Generosity.

Today is the second day of the new year. It is the only day in the year that lay people (non-monastic) may visit the quarters of the monks and nuns. What joy!

As we travel from room to room, carrying our glasses, we share tea, cider, snacks, and songs. Interspersed with visits by drums and dragon for us to offer up oranges and snacks to the beast.

The monastics live in simple quarters. Some sleep on the floor, others on thin mats. A few books, some clothes, and an altar are usually in each room. They share their space and their tea.

It is a lesson in simplicity. It is a lesson in friendship. It is a lesson in generosity.

May your tiger year be healthy and may your life be long.

(posting from iPhone; links and pix may arrive later)

Recently I was sharing about a personal relationship issue with a monastic friend and teacher and he suggested I start with a period of fasting. I was not completely clear on how this could help or be related, but I trust my friend and know that fasting is a common practice in the monastery. The intention here is not a detox fast, but one of a more spiritual nature. I started practicing with the fast for a 1-2 weeks by fasting for dinner. It wasn’t too difficult to eat two meals a day, the most difficult time being late afternoon. This did raise my confidence and understanding in fasting.

For this fasting practice, I decided to take the experience as it happened without putting too much pressure on myself. Though he had suggested 10-days, I decided to just take it one day at a time. I also decided to make it primarily a water only fast with a couple of exceptions – namely, I would drink 2-ounces of a juice blend in the morning and evening and would allow myself a cup of tea in the morning. Aside from that, it was water. The fast was three days.

The body is strange and powerful. The body felt solid and grounded for most of the fast but at the same time it allowed the mind to soften and wander a bit further than normal. I participated in some physical activity in the yard and in the house, went to a meeting at work one day, and worked on the computer. The key to success seemed to be having the option to rest whenever needed because I did get tired more quickly and easily than normal.

On a physical level, fasting really brings a person in touch with the body itself. The needs. The functions. The different parts. Experiencing hunger pains. Numbness. Dizziness. A person cannot act and behave normally when hungry.

On a mental level, fasting gives your mind the freedom to touch its relationship to the body. More importantly, the mind slows with the body. I had an intention with my fast, to focus on my personal relationship, and with each moment of physical discomfort and tightness of the stomach I could bring awareness to that relationship. This is important to me. I will work on this more. How can things be improved?

On the third day I discovered what the most important part of the fast was for me. Namely, I slowed down. The pace of life was reduced dramatically. I could still participate and do life’s activities but at a completely different rate. Wow, so this is it. To be present. With that I decided to end the fast. I had gained some insight and also realized that I needed to lend more support to my family by having more energy and strength (by eating again).

I hope to fast again in the future and also know that I could continue beyond three days if I wanted to journey further into my consciousness. Thank you Br. Phap Dung, Leslie, and the kids for being my support.

I leave Friday morning for Deer Park Monastery in Escondido, a Buddhist monastery in the tradition of Thich Nhat Hanh. The monastery sits on about 300 acres of open land next to another preserve. Very beautiful. I typically spend 4-6 weeks per year at the monastery as an ordained member of the Order of Interbeing (we’re asked to do 60 Days of Mindfulness per year). This particular visit is different because the first 19 days will be without my family. We usually go as a family but Leslie suggested some time for myself and they will come at the end for the Family Camp Annual Retreat.

During my stay at the monastery, there will be two formal retreats: Teen Camp Annual Retreat and the Family Camp Annual Retreat. As a guest of the monastery and an Order member, I will assist with both these retreats by leading discussions, demonstrating practice, working in the kitchen, playing with children, hiking, etc. The other days I will participate in the regular activities of the monastery. Typically we start the day at 5:00am with the wake-up bell. Sitting meditation is at 5:45 followed by breakfast at 7:30am. From lights out (10:00pm) until after breakfast we practice noble silence. During the day we do working meditation, walking meditation, maybe a dharma talk or discussion, and another period of sitting mediation in the evening. It’s quite pleasant and peaceful with a very slow pace. Nothing to do. Nowhere to go. One of my favorite parts of the day is eating mediation; most meals consist of at least 20-minutes of silent eating and we always eat together as a sangha.

For those of you who know me, I am a HUGE technology user (even teach a class on Social Networking and Social Media) so going to a monastery has an impact on my connectivity. In the past, I have practiced at the monastery without any technology – no cell phone, no SMS, no email, no web, no Twitter, no Facebook, etc. Occassionaly I will work on the monastic computers but have refrained from accessing my various accounts. It is a great way to step away from it all and be with nature and be with myself. I find it very nurturing.

You may have noticed that I wrote “in the past” in the previous paragraph. I am considering offering something small each day of the retreat. Perhaps a picture using momentile (which will populate to my Twitter, Friendfeed, and Facebook accounts). If I choose to do this, it would be 1-way only – no reading comments, etc. I can use my iPhone to take the picture and email it from the camera app.  Naturally, this is a risk and not completely letting go of technology for the time of the visit. No decision yet.

Regardless of what I decide, the 24-days away from my regular (family) practice in Ojai should be a joyful and nourishing time. I am thankful for the opportunity. Perhaps I will see some of you there during my visit? If you are considering anything, try the Family Retreat. All are welcome and much of the practice is nonsectarian.

Talk to you in July.

For some, drinking alcohol is not an issue. You may be one that can go out with friends, have a few drinks (or even get drunk), and not have it negatively impact your thinking, your relationships, and your way of life. You may be one that has a beer or glass of wine from time to time. But for me alcohol was an all consuming obsession. When not drinking, I was thinking about when I would be drinking. In addition, there were many times I would take anything (pot, LSD, mushrooms, cocaine, etc.) to provide me with relief from my thinking and my feelings. I was a miserable person doing things to myself and others that I could not imagine doing today. I risked my life, the life of others, and should have been in jail on more than one occasion. Hard to believe.

I remember June 8, 1989 very well. The night before I had shared a few drinks with strangers and the morning of the eighth I smoked the last of my pot alone. My mom, and her partner Pat, invited me to move out  (aka, kicked me out) of their house and to get help for my drinking. They drove me from Fallbrook to Scripps McDonald Center in La Jolla for a 28-day treatment program. Along the way we stopped at Miracles for lunch (in Cardiff by the Sea).  That day started me on a path to recovery and so much more. I stayed in La Jolla after my hospital stay, attended UCSD, and met Leslie (my partner of 18-years!). I don’t regret that day in 1989 for one minute.

It took a few more years but I mended my relationship with my mom before she died, encountered the Dharma and the path of the Bodhichitta, reconnected with God, and carry a deep respect for my Mennonite roots. I live a religious and spiritual life today that allows me to be the person I dreamed of being as a young man. I can be present for my family, our society, and for our environment.  These are important to me.

There are far too many people to thank by name but I would like to mention a few who have been with me for most of my twenty years and have had a lasting impact on the person I am today. Thank my mom for kicking me out. Pat for being a dear confidant and mentor. Dad for being steady and present. Leslie for being my best friend and lover. Rob for teaching me about recovery and lasting friendship. Thich Nhat Hanh for gentleness and openness. Finally, to my newest teachers, Mazzy and Jasper, for being children and helping me see the world around me with fresh eyes.

Most people know me as a non drinker. My children have never seen me drink. I have the freedom to be with those who do choose to drink. Life is good.

I will not gush. I will not gush. Though I’ve been a Mac user for 15-years at work, this is the first Mac that I’ve purchased personally. It is hard to believe that this move has finally happened. When I noticed our family Dell laptop starting to lose life, and I’d been using the work MacBook a bit more frequently, it seemed time to give the Mac a closer look for the family computer replacement. The other thing that played a key role in the decision is my transition to cloud computing. My email and all my files are happily living in the cloud.

When decision time came, it became a choice between the iMac, the MacBook, and the MacBook Pro. Since this will be our primary family computer and also serve as our “television” when we watch DVDs, we wanted something that would last and meet those needs. The iMac was a brief consideration but we opted not to get it because we need flexability to move the computer around the house and the office. The primary difference between the MacBook and the MacBook Pro is about 2″ of screen real estate, a faster video card, and some extra ports. Oh, and $400. Even that isn’t 100% correct because the Apple Care will cost you more on the Pro version too. Nonetheless, we decided on the Pro because we really wanted the larger screen. We made two visits to the San Francisco Apple Store and finally made the purchase at the San Luis Obispo Apple Store.

What are we giving up? Comfort and familiarity. Leslie has been using Eudora for her email since the 90s and I’ve been trying to transition her to Gmail without success. I do use the Macromedia Suite, Adobe Acrobat, and a few other product “investments” but I can live without these tools (or buy them again for the Mac).

We decided we could make this change and Leslie would use Apple’s Mail application (I’ve migrated all her Eudora mailboxes and contacts successfully using Eudora Mailbox Cleaner) and we would invest in Microsoft Office for the Mac for Leslie’s work comfort and ease. Finally, our iTunes library was successfully migrated over to the Mac and we maintained our playlists and song counts. Whew!

What’s missing in terms of software? I need a good MS SQL application for editing a database. I’ve installed SQuirreLSQL and ThinkUI’s SQL Client but haven’t managed to get either working correctly. Small concern because we are thrilled with the computer, but I do need this to work at some point.

The kids love the new MacBook Pro. Leslie loves the new MacBook Pro. I love the new MacBook Pro. It is fast. It has Unix. My iPhone syncs way better with the Mac. The Spotlight tool is zippy. Nambu was released for Twitter. The buttonless, and 1-4 finger, track pad is cool and useful. Did I mention the built-in Unix? I’ll adjust to iPhoto, iCal, and the Address Book.

OK, so I’ve made the switch and this is my story. We’ve had it a week and all is well. Next step is to install Ubuntu on the Dell laptop.

One of the toughest decisions of my life happened in the past two weeks when I decided to end my love affair with motorcycle riding. I’m almost crying as I write this and look at the included picture. I’ve been riding since age 14 when our family had a little Honda 50 for dirt riding (or in the back alley’s of Fresno). From there I moved to a Honda Passport, Kawasaki KZ750, and finally to a series of BMW motorcycles. In all it is about 25 years of riding and a quarter million miles on a bike.

Why is this ending? I have been a very lucky rider. In the five accidents, I have never broken a bone or been seriously injured. This includes almost 10 years of riding in San Francisco. In the last decade I have considered selling the bike a couple of times but have never gone through with it. This time my gut tells me it is time. Earlier this fall another rider with my age and experience spent a month in the hospital after being hit at an intersection I cross daily. We get a lot of bikes in Ojai due to our fantastic curves, so accidents and deaths are not uncommon. On January 10, 2009 a fellow rider, sangha connection, and friend was killed near his home in Malibu. Peter Kollock is only a little older than I and rides the same BMW model. That same weekend, there was a death in Ventura and another on Highway 33 above Ojai.

All this has shaken me. I have two young children, and perhaps my decision would be different without them, but I want them to have a healthy and living dad as they grow up. I am saying goodbye to a dear friend and love but am embracing my responsibilities as a parent. It could be I’ll ride again when older, but for now it is goodbye.

What I have are my memories. Taking my young love, Leslie, on a motorcycle ride through La Jolla Shores on my KZ750 only to slip on gravel and spill the bike. We’re still together 18-years later! The ride from San Francisco to Saskatoon with Leslie on the back of my 1983 BMW R100RT. When we got there and looked at the map, Leslie couldn’t imagine driving all the way back to California, but we did. The ride to Fairbanks, Alaska along the Alcan Highway on my 1991 BMW R100RT by myself. What a trip! Riding to Durango, Mexico with my dad. The last big trip was with my dad and my dear friend Dana on my latest ride, the 2001 R1150GS. We rode through Nevada, Utah, Colorado, New Mexico, and Arizona. It included a significant blizzard on the pass through the Rocky Mountain National Park; visability was less than 10-feet and the wind was howling. No choice but to move forward. The picture  above – a self-photo at Mt. Shasta – is a madman ride from Fresno to British Columbia, and back, in three days for a family reunion. Surprise. There were so many more trips and adventures to remember, but these are a few of the highlights.

Will I have regrets? Maybe. Is it the right decision? Yes. I thank my family and friends who have supported me in this decision and in my riding all these years. I will miss riding deeply. Adieu mon amour.

Growing up, as a Mennonite, I was taught that love was of the highest nature. I see Christ as a true revolutionary who reached out to the poor, the destitute, and the outcasts and he did so without judgment and with pure love in his heart. In the past, I have written that I am a potential Christian and a practicing Buddhist. Today, after the election season in California, much of my bitterness and unhappiness with my Christian roots have been watered and I am not so positive about this potentiality. This is my struggle today. In fact, it is so powerful that I am experiencing resistance to attending another marriage ceremony between two people who may have voted in favor of Proposition 8. This is difficult.

As a practicing Buddhist, I aim to seek understanding and to have compassion. Writing here I am trying to reach some understanding and compassion for my Christian brothers and sisters who have taken the stand to discriminate against a group of people for their sexuality. I know good Christians, people right here in my town, and they are good people. And yet, they have taken the stand of not embracing, not loving. It seems fundamentally wrong, and in opposition to the teachings of Christ, to not allow two people who love each other the right to join in marriage. When I married Leslie in 1995, we did so to share our love with our friends and family, to give the relationship a bit more sanctity, more seriousness, and make a lifetime commitment. Why wouldn’t we want this for gay couples? Aside from the high divorce rate in marriages, I see nothing but positive outcomes to allowing marriage between two people who love each other. It recognizes and honors the love between two people.

Perhaps you can pause here and watch the amazing 6-minute statement from Keith Olbermann of MSNBC – he covers the topic well.

My experience is this. My mom is gay and was in a loving relationship with her partner before she died. Though they had a living trust allowing her partner the right to make decisions, they still found it necessary to give me the Power of Attorney in case the State intervened in their lives. So, in addition to love there are also the legal rights associated with marriage to consider. Several gay couples I know got married in California in the last year. They are in loving, long term relationships and they were able to celebrate that commitment with marriage.

What is the threat to that? Where does the fear arise from? I know some who will read this, including friends and family, would have voted to pass proposition 8 that removes the right to gay marriage. I don’t want to get into a shouting match, but perhaps through loving communication I can sway your perspective a bit and perhaps I can come to a better understanding of your world view.

As my teacher Thich Nhat Hanh has said, people are not the enemy but ignorance and fear. Let’s talk.

My partner spent Tuesday and Wednesday with our friends and their young son. This family has given a great gift to the world despite their great suffering. On Thursday morning around 6:00am (Pacific), this young boy was taken into surgery to have 8 of his internal organs removed. Each of these organs were placed into another person (all but pancreas and small bowel were successful).

Though he went brain dead on Sunday, the parents have stayed with him in the hospital for four more days while the transplant team sought donor recipients. This type of courage and compassion is inspiring. My partner said to me more than once that he looked like a little Buddha laying in the hospital bed. Our friends will certainly have some tough days ahead of them, but if the last week has been any indication of their commitment and their caliber as human beings, then they will be fine. Please send your love and support to them.

I know what a gift that has been given. My mom died 10 years ago as she awaited a new liver. I remember well the moment we received a call that a liver was available and then finding out a few hours later the family had changed their mind. When a family is waiting for a transplant, it is like waiting on pins and needles with a hope that something will become available to save a life.

For me, there are two messages in this story. First and foremost, love your children as if today is the last day of their lives. Be present. Secondly, become an organ donor. Remember this young boy and how he has touched, and possibly given the gift of life, to six other people.

According to the United Network for Organ Sharing, 99,505 are on a transplant waiting list and only 4,578 donors this year to date (United States only). If you haven’t registered to donate an organ, you can do it right now at Donate Life, just as this young boy has done.

I am awestruck and inspired by these parents. We need more people like this in the world. This boy continues to live in others and now he will continue to live in you too.