Congratulations to a person who has given hope and vision to the world after such a long dark period.

I’m not saying he’s perfect (far from it) nor am I saying I agree with everything he’s done (I don’t) but he has made a positive change.

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Window display in Ojai Creates.

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Thanks to Isaac Pigott's post on this, I decided to check it out.

What I found most fascinating was watching the tool develop the profile by searching the web based simply on entering my first and last name. This process may not work very well for someone with a common name, but for me it seemed to work pretty well.

The second surprising element is the sports piece; what's that all about?

Try it yourself.

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05 Lungs.mp3 (2717 KB)

Though I would not be considered a huge country music fan, I do own a few country albums. The latest from Steve Earle, a tribute to Towes Vans Zandt, is a sweet piece of music.

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Recently I was sharing about a personal relationship issue with a monastic friend and teacher and he suggested I start with a period of fasting. I was not completely clear on how this could help or be related, but I trust my friend and know that fasting is a common practice in the monastery. The intention here is not a detox fast, but one of a more spiritual nature. I started practicing with the fast for a 1-2 weeks by fasting for dinner. It wasn’t too difficult to eat two meals a day, the most difficult time being late afternoon. This did raise my confidence and understanding in fasting.

For this fasting practice, I decided to take the experience as it happened without putting too much pressure on myself. Though he had suggested 10-days, I decided to just take it one day at a time. I also decided to make it primarily a water only fast with a couple of exceptions – namely, I would drink 2-ounces of a juice blend in the morning and evening and would allow myself a cup of tea in the morning. Aside from that, it was water. The fast was three days.

The body is strange and powerful. The body felt solid and grounded for most of the fast but at the same time it allowed the mind to soften and wander a bit further than normal. I participated in some physical activity in the yard and in the house, went to a meeting at work one day, and worked on the computer. The key to success seemed to be having the option to rest whenever needed because I did get tired more quickly and easily than normal.

On a physical level, fasting really brings a person in touch with the body itself. The needs. The functions. The different parts. Experiencing hunger pains. Numbness. Dizziness. A person cannot act and behave normally when hungry.

On a mental level, fasting gives your mind the freedom to touch its relationship to the body. More importantly, the mind slows with the body. I had an intention with my fast, to focus on my personal relationship, and with each moment of physical discomfort and tightness of the stomach I could bring awareness to that relationship. This is important to me. I will work on this more. How can things be improved?

On the third day I discovered what the most important part of the fast was for me. Namely, I slowed down. The pace of life was reduced dramatically. I could still participate and do life’s activities but at a completely different rate. Wow, so this is it. To be present. With that I decided to end the fast. I had gained some insight and also realized that I needed to lend more support to my family by having more energy and strength (by eating again).

I hope to fast again in the future and also know that I could continue beyond three days if I wanted to journey further into my consciousness. Thank you Br. Phap Dung, Leslie, and the kids for being my support.

For some, drinking alcohol is not an issue. You may be one that can go out with friends, have a few drinks (or even get drunk), and not have it negatively impact your thinking, your relationships, and your way of life. You may be one that has a beer or glass of wine from time to time. But for me alcohol was an all consuming obsession. When not drinking, I was thinking about when I would be drinking. In addition, there were many times I would take anything (pot, LSD, mushrooms, cocaine, etc.) to provide me with relief from my thinking and my feelings. I was a miserable person doing things to myself and others that I could not imagine doing today. I risked my life, the life of others, and should have been in jail on more than one occasion. Hard to believe.

I remember June 8, 1989 very well. The night before I had shared a few drinks with strangers and the morning of the eighth I smoked the last of my pot alone. My mom, and her partner Pat, invited me to move out  (aka, kicked me out) of their house and to get help for my drinking. They drove me from Fallbrook to Scripps McDonald Center in La Jolla for a 28-day treatment program. Along the way we stopped at Miracles for lunch (in Cardiff by the Sea).  That day started me on a path to recovery and so much more. I stayed in La Jolla after my hospital stay, attended UCSD, and met Leslie (my partner of 18-years!). I don’t regret that day in 1989 for one minute.

It took a few more years but I mended my relationship with my mom before she died, encountered the Dharma and the path of the Bodhichitta, reconnected with God, and carry a deep respect for my Mennonite roots. I live a religious and spiritual life today that allows me to be the person I dreamed of being as a young man. I can be present for my family, our society, and for our environment.  These are important to me.

There are far too many people to thank by name but I would like to mention a few who have been with me for most of my twenty years and have had a lasting impact on the person I am today. Thank my mom for kicking me out. Pat for being a dear confidant and mentor. Dad for being steady and present. Leslie for being my best friend and lover. Rob for teaching me about recovery and lasting friendship. Thich Nhat Hanh for gentleness and openness. Finally, to my newest teachers, Mazzy and Jasper, for being children and helping me see the world around me with fresh eyes.

Most people know me as a non drinker. My children have never seen me drink. I have the freedom to be with those who do choose to drink. Life is good.

One of the toughest decisions of my life happened in the past two weeks when I decided to end my love affair with motorcycle riding. I’m almost crying as I write this and look at the included picture. I’ve been riding since age 14 when our family had a little Honda 50 for dirt riding (or in the back alley’s of Fresno). From there I moved to a Honda Passport, Kawasaki KZ750, and finally to a series of BMW motorcycles. In all it is about 25 years of riding and a quarter million miles on a bike.

Why is this ending? I have been a very lucky rider. In the five accidents, I have never broken a bone or been seriously injured. This includes almost 10 years of riding in San Francisco. In the last decade I have considered selling the bike a couple of times but have never gone through with it. This time my gut tells me it is time. Earlier this fall another rider with my age and experience spent a month in the hospital after being hit at an intersection I cross daily. We get a lot of bikes in Ojai due to our fantastic curves, so accidents and deaths are not uncommon. On January 10, 2009 a fellow rider, sangha connection, and friend was killed near his home in Malibu. Peter Kollock is only a little older than I and rides the same BMW model. That same weekend, there was a death in Ventura and another on Highway 33 above Ojai.

All this has shaken me. I have two young children, and perhaps my decision would be different without them, but I want them to have a healthy and living dad as they grow up. I am saying goodbye to a dear friend and love but am embracing my responsibilities as a parent. It could be I’ll ride again when older, but for now it is goodbye.

What I have are my memories. Taking my young love, Leslie, on a motorcycle ride through La Jolla Shores on my KZ750 only to slip on gravel and spill the bike. We’re still together 18-years later! The ride from San Francisco to Saskatoon with Leslie on the back of my 1983 BMW R100RT. When we got there and looked at the map, Leslie couldn’t imagine driving all the way back to California, but we did. The ride to Fairbanks, Alaska along the Alcan Highway on my 1991 BMW R100RT by myself. What a trip! Riding to Durango, Mexico with my dad. The last big trip was with my dad and my dear friend Dana on my latest ride, the 2001 R1150GS. We rode through Nevada, Utah, Colorado, New Mexico, and Arizona. It included a significant blizzard on the pass through the Rocky Mountain National Park; visability was less than 10-feet and the wind was howling. No choice but to move forward. The picture  above – a self-photo at Mt. Shasta – is a madman ride from Fresno to British Columbia, and back, in three days for a family reunion. Surprise. There were so many more trips and adventures to remember, but these are a few of the highlights.

Will I have regrets? Maybe. Is it the right decision? Yes. I thank my family and friends who have supported me in this decision and in my riding all these years. I will miss riding deeply. Adieu mon amour.

The Plum Village sangha has a practice called Beginning Anew that we used for the foundation of our talk, since the theme of the retreat was renewal. Rather than focusing on another person, as we typically do with this practice, the focus of attention was ourselves. Karen provided us with four meditations that we explored in the one-hour talk. Please enjoy the talk.

Four Meditations for Self-Renewal

1. Flower Watering/Sharing Appreciation. Looking deeply, I see many positive and wholesome qualities in myself such as…
2. Benign Regrets. Looking deeply, I regret that I have caused myself pain through my thoughts, speech and actions in the following ways…
3. Hurts and Difficulties. Looking deeply, I can understand my own hurts and difficulties with deep compassion and friendliness toward myself, without blame or criticism as follows…
4. Challenges and Intentions for the Future. For the future, I anticipate the following challenges and intend to practice mindfully and skillfully in the following ways…

The key here is to be kind and honest with yourself. If you can’t listen here, you can download the talk.